The Roller Coaster We Call Life

Sometimes I feel like I’m speeding through life, unable to slow down, stuck in this seat that constantly rises up and falls down, leaving me never knowing what will happen next. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does tend to be exhausting. In these last couple weeks I’ve certainly felt a little jolted, but the incredible thing about God is that at the end of the day, as long as I turn to Him, everything seems to slow down and level out enough for me to remember that He’s in control…and that gives me the most incredible sense of peace. So, now I’m going to try to summarize some of the craziness that has been my life for the last few weeks…

Two weeks ago we had homecoming week, and each day we had a theme and dressed accordingly…and it was amazing, because I feel like I have this crazy, random, awkward, ridiculous side of me that has been repressed, and it emerges in times like this. Monday was “backwards inside-out” day, Tuesday was then “crazy hair/clashing clothes” day, and Wednesday was “black and white” day, because it needed to be something a little more normal since we were going to a concert that day. We left early in the afternoon and drove for a few hours to go see the world famous Drakensburg boy’s choir. There really is no way to describe the power, beauty, mystery, and wonder in music…you have to hear it yourself…but I can just say that I left beaming from ear to ear, filled with the incredible joy that music always tends to bring me. They sang all sorts of songs, everything from Queen’s We Will Rock You (which was hilarious with their awesome South African accents…), to Circle of Life from The Lion King, to a whole section of traditional Zulu songs…but to make a long story short, it was incredible, and I bought some CDs so I can take the incredibleness home with me!

Thursday was “twin” day, so I dressed up to match my roommate, but then later in the afternoon changed into grubby clothes to play our homecoming football game! It was SO much fun, and an awesome bonding time for everyone. I mean, my team lost, but winning isn’t everything…or at least that’s what my mom used to tell me. Then, the greatness the day continued, because later that night we had an air-band competition between chalets, which actually turned into more of a dance competition, and it was awesome! My chalet did the song “Battlefield” and we had bamboo sticks that we fought with, and we also brought out our Bibles for the part in the song where it talks about getting your “armor,” and it was basically an epic dance. Once again, we didn’t win, and all the other chalets had hilariously wonderful dances as well, but we decided that no matter what, boys are always funnier than girls, so the boys ended up winning that night.

Friday was the day of the actual homecoming dance! During the day each chalet was assigned to a color (my chalet was pink), but then later on that night we all dressed in tacky outfits for the dance…because it was a “tacky” homecoming dance…once again, ridiculous, but so much fun. We danced the night away in our awkward outfits, took crazy pictures, voted for our own king and queen (who both ended up being girls), and made fools of ourselves. And as amazing as this all was, the weekend got even better! On Saturday six of us had the opportunity to go to Durban to see an Israel Houghton and New Breed concert, which for those of you who don’t know is gospel music. Once again, there’s no way for me to describe the power of musical worship, led by people blessed by the Lord with talents that they humbly yet passionately share, and use to lead others into His presence. I know that I was blessed that night, drawn closer to God, encouraged, challenged, affirmed, excited, and uplifted by the Holy Spirit.

It’s incredible how quickly our minds can being us down. Literally, within an hour of that amazing, God-filled concert, our group was hanging out with some South African friends we had made earlier in the trip, and I started feeling attacked. It seemed like every thought that came into my head was negative, every interaction I had gave me some reason to doubt myself or question the effect of my Christian walk on those around me…and the more I thought about it, the more frustrated I would be with myself, and the downward spiral of negative thoughts would continue. I don’t even know how to explain it, and I couldn’t understand where these thoughts were coming from, but all I knew was that as we left Durban to drive home, all I wanted to do was be by myself and cry…ashamed of my own instability, weakness, and inability to hold fast to truth rather than believe lies meant to make me ineffective as a follower of Christ.

It’s funny though, how God knows exactly what we need…and it’s often very different than what we think we need. As much as I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and wrestle through them with God, what I really needed was to talk them out and be truly vulnerable. I didn’t want to do it, but when my friend asked me the simple question on the ride home, “How are you doing?” I basically broke down. Crying my eyes out and struggling to express my jumbled thoughts, I allowed myself to really be broken, and being broken is not fun. Being broken is painful and humbling. However, I’ve learned through the years, and even more through this trip, that God can only mend the broken, He can only heal the wounded, and His power can only be made perfect in our weakness. Not an easy truth to accept at times, but really the only one that lifts me up and gives me the hope, joy, and peace to face each day with Him by my side…blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.

There’s a lot more that’s been going on, but that’s the gist of last week and what God’s been doing in my heart lately…thank you to all of you for your prayers and support…I am so blessed by you! Lots of love!

“Let the Little Children Come To Me”

Looking into the wide, innocent, and playful eyes of a child, there is no choice but to feel the purest sense of joy. Imagine being surrounded by them, with two attempting to braid your hair, three sitting on your lap, one playing with your face, and many others running around the room singing songs and releasing their over-abundance of energy in various ways. There is nothing like the genuine nature of a child’s affection, unbiased and uncorrupted by the world’s selfishness, hypocrisy, and pride. I got to experience this in the purest sense, and of course children are not perfect, they can be dirty, snotty, exhausting, and unrelenting in their desire for attention, but I fell in love with the children I got to work with at the Ethembeni Family Center this week. They reminded me that innocence is beautiful, curiosity is productive, and joy is a way of life.

Over the course of the last couple weeks I have gotten to spend my clinical days in a variety of ways. I spent one day at Caprisa, which is an HIV/AIDS clinic funded by PEPFAR (the U.S. “President’s Emergency Plan For AIDS Relief”). Two of my other clinical days I served at Ethembeni, a ministry that serves as a hospice with four beds, as well as having a home care ministry and a family center which takes care of children from child-headed households. Another clinical day was spent carrying out a teaching project at a local high school. Many exciting experiences to say the least! The more time I spend in clinics, the more I learn about HIV/AIDS and the way it is treated and dealt with in various patients, the more my heart is broken for these people and the suffering they endure so bravely. It is certainly incredible to see the availability of treatment to those whose condition is severe enough, and that it is provided freely. Although there are many issues within the system and difficulty with compliance regarding the medication regimen, lives are being touched and care is being provided to so many who would not be able to receive it otherwise.

The time I got to spend at Ethembeni in the past few weeks was mostly spent doing home visits. Teams of two are sent out, with one care worker from Ethembeni and one member from a local church, and each group visits four homes. Overall there are 65 families being served through this ministry, and the criteria for those who receive these home visits mostly have to do with positive HIV status and lack of income. Mpophomeni, the town where Ethembeni is located, has an 80% unemployment rate, and a staggering amount of HIV/AIDS. During the home visits I was able to attend, we would bring a significant amount of food for the family, talk about how the individual was doing physically, emotionally, and spiritually, read a passage from the Bible, and then pray together. This focus on spirituality and the lack of actual medical care was definitely an adjustment, but something that is helping to teach me the balance needed when providing holistic care between every aspect of the person. Besides these home visits however, like I mentioned earlier, one day I was able to go to the Family Center and spend time with the children there. Most of these are children who are either orphaned, are living with a grandparent, or are running the household, taking care of their younger siblings. The Family Center provides a place for the children to go during the day, while also giving them a hearty lunch, and packing meals for them to take home for dinner and for breakfast the next morning. There is a large age-range, with the younger children there all day and the older children coming later in the day once they have finished with school. Once again, there was not necessarily a lot of medical care provided in this setting, but these children certainly touched my heart, and I was blessed to be able to show them some love in the limited time I was there.

The other very exciting clinical day was spent at Ethembeni High School when we all presented the teaching projects we had prepared in the states. We were broken up into four groups whose topics were basic hygiene, dental health, communicable diseases, and menstruation. We went around to five different classes of either graders throughout the day and spoke on these subjects to each class. I was a part of the communicable disease group, and I was presenting on respiratory infection, with the other girls in my group presenting on diarrheal disease and HIV/AIDS. The presentations went incredibly well, the students were attentive, interactive, and for the most part seemed to soak up what we had to say. This project not only educated the students we were with, but it boosted our confidence as well and taught us more about how to assess an situation and present information in an appropriate way based on setting and audience. Education is such an essential aspect of community health, and this experience certainly enhanced my understanding of that fact and my own ability to present the information.

Besides clinical, another exciting event that took place last weekend was a trip we all got to go on to see some of the battlefields we have been studying about in our History and Culture of South Africa class. Leaving Friday morning, first we drove for about three hours to visit The Battle of Blood River. I’m not going to go into all the historical details, even though they are quite fascinating, but I will simply say it was a wonderful experience, I learned a ton (especially about the reconciliation that has taken place between blacks and whites over the years), and we had an incredible older man named Tony, who was basically a guru in South African history, teaching us as we went. We then stayed overnight in the most adorable little Bed & Breakfast and woke up early the next morning to visit two more battlefield sites which each had their own amazing stories. When we had finished we drove the three hours back, arriving slightly exhausted and having thoroughly enjoyed the weekend, but also having quite a lot of homework and not a lot of time to accomplish it. Therefore, I skipped church for the first time last Sunday, but that is not something I am going to make a habit of! In fact, this weekend our “excursion” was canceled due to uncooperative weather, so I have been able to get a little caught up on work and am looking forward to getting back to church tomorrow!

On one final note, I have to say that I experienced God this week in one of the most incredible ways I have ever experienced Him. It is difficult to explain because I cannot go into details about the situation, but to put it simply, I literally saw the hand of God in my life. I feel like in this life God is constantly working, and we are mostly unaware…but there are those moments, those times when everything makes sense, and it is so blatantly clear that God has orchestrated the occurrences of your life so perfectly, so beautifully, and with such intentionality that there is no explanation outside of Him. I feel that those moments are His blessing to us, His way of proving once again that He is God, and He is good, and He has a plan and a purpose that is beyond our understanding. I know this all must sound quite vague, but I was beyond blessed this week, and I just pray that I will continue to rest and rejoice in the Author of my life…whether I can see his hand at work or not.

Be blessed this week! Choose joy!

Bravery

Later on this week I'll post a more thorough explanation of all the wonderful things that have been taking place here over the past week, but for now I just wanted to share something that's been on my heart recently. This is actually a song called Bravery that I wrote in regards to the South African people I've come in contact with so far...whether that be through clinical, church, or just daily life...and it flows a lot better as a song than a poem, but I just wanted to share my thoughts.

I’ve seen the face of bravery,
And it wasn’t what I thought it’d be,
I’ve seen the eyes that challenge fear,
But aren’t afraid to shed a tear,
I’ve seen skin that weathers well,
Each line that forms has stories to tell,
I’ve seen hands that work through pain,
And smiles that choose to stay,
Despite what lies ahead...

I’ve seen strength among the weak
I’ve seen joy in midst of sorrow
Riches in the poorest place
I’ve seen courage through despair
I’ve seen cripples take a stand
Bravery like none other
Beauty unsurpassed
Life lived for today
‘Cause tomorrow might not last

I’ve heard the sound of serenity,
And it transformed what I knew of peace,
I’ve heard the cries of grateful souls,
Broken down by grace bestowed,
I’ve heard songs that fill the air,
And those who hear can’t help but share,
I’ve heard words that make life new,
And winds that whisper truth
Despite what this world says...

I’ve seen strength among the weak
I’ve seen joy in midst of sorrow
Riches in the poorest place
I’ve seen courage through despair
I’ve seen cripples take a stand
Bravery like none other
Beauty unsurpassed
Life lived for today
‘Cause tomorrow might not last

This place has changed my heart, has turned my world upside down,
This place has shown me life’s not what you think it’s about,
In this place I’ve seen people who’ve overcome more than I could ever dream,
And in this place I’ve seen the face of bravery.

Cow Manure: More Useful Than You Might Think

The weeks are going by quicker, and the weekends even more so. Looking back each week sometimes it’s hard to know where to start, but I’ll do my best. I was actually kind of sick this week…nothing serious, just an incredibly annoying runny nose, sore throat, and a bit of a cough, enough to knock me out for a couple days. Although I was supposed to go to clinical twice this week, I ended up skipping a day to stay home and rest, which I hated doing, but my mother’s words, “it’s in the better part of wisdom” kept running through my head, so I just went with it. On Wednesday, when I actually got to go to the clinic, I was able to help out with some blood draws, which I was very much looking forward to. Doing blood draws and giving injections are really the only “skills” (so to speak) in community health, as much of it involves assessment and a whole lot of teaching. Therefore, whenever we get to do blood draws it’s a very exciting experience. In the two that I was able to do I didn’t mess up, blow through any veins, or stick anything with the needle that wasn’t meant to be stuck, so that was good. It is certainly a surreal experience however drawing up HIV/AIDS blood into vials, and being so close to contaminated needles. More so than the blood itself, it is mind-numbing to see face after face, person after person, coming in to get their blood drawn, and knowing that each of them has HIV/AIDS, a horrible, debilitating, life-threatening, humiliating, painful, stigmatized, incurable disease…and the more I see them as people rather than patients, the more difficult it will become, but the kind of difficult I feel like I need to experience.

Besides clinical, there really wasn’t a whole lot that happened in relation to school this week. We were able to have a prayer walk on Thursday night in which we went to various rooms and buildings on the campus and prayed for what would take place in those places, the conversations that would occur, the people who would be serving or teaching us, and overall that God would move in mighty ways in everything said and done throughout this semester. It was a wonderful night, and a great time of recognition for what the Lord can do and will do as we walk with Him through this life, lifting everything up to Him in prayer.

Each weekend we have some sort of excursion we go on, and this weekend was quite exciting. We went on a “Zulu field trip” to Ecabanzini, where we stayed for a day and a half and learned all about traditional Zulu culture. The site where we stayed was absolutely beautiful, and we were split up into groups to stay in different “huts” for the night. We learned about the structure of their homes, the way the huts are organized, the way they use cow manure to make their own methane gas (which basically never runs out, as the cows never run out of dung to provide). Along with this ingenious use for cow manure, there was another use for it that we learned about: cleaning the floors. Because of the material their floors are made of, when they get dirty, you can’t simply clean them with water, because it just turns to mud. Because of this, they take cow manure, and cover the floor in a thin layer, which takes the dirt away and “cleans” it. That’s actually not all you can do with cow manure…there’s more! Due to the fact that they just feed their cows grass and not all the nasty things we do, the manure is actually an antiseptic, and they use it to put on baby’s umbilical cords to keep them from getting infected. True story.

Well, along with playing with cow dung, we got to have a wonderful Zulu meal, practice some Zulu dancing, hang out with Zulu cows (which slept in a corral right outside where we were sleeping…I basically woke up to mooing cows), make pottery, bead jewelry, learn how to “stick fight,” and attempt to speak Zulu with the Zulu people dressed up in their awesome traditional outfits. Needless to say, it was quite the experience! So, after leaving on Saturday afternoon, we got back to campus and had about an hour to eat and get cleaned up before heading off to Durban to go to a professional rugby game! It was the Sharks against the Lions, and we all dressed up in Sharks colors (basically black and white), and the Sharks won! It was so great! I’d never really seen rugby before, but I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I felt like I somewhat understood what was going on, which is not true of many sports out there for me.

After a long Friday and Saturday, Sunday arrives, and although it is a day of rest, it was pretty packed as well. I went to the same church I’ve been going to in the morning, and it once again was wonderful…so wonderful that I decided to go back again Sunday night. So I had a few hours in the afternoon to get some work done, but then I headed right back to church…and it was neat because they actually asked the APU people to sing a couple songs, so I ended up singing a song in church, which was exciting. I have never felt so welcome and comfortable in a church before…and like everyone in there loves me. It’s fantastic. God is good, and He’s teaching me more and more about the Holy Spirit. I feel like sometimes in the states (or at least in the churches I’ve been to) there is an emphasis on God the Father and Jesus the Son, but then the Holy Spirit doesn’t really get much attention…well, that is not the case here, and I love it!

Well, it’s late, so I bid you all adieu, and pray that the Lord is blessing you and keeping you in His mighty grasp! Love to all!