The Roller Coaster We Call Life

Sometimes I feel like I’m speeding through life, unable to slow down, stuck in this seat that constantly rises up and falls down, leaving me never knowing what will happen next. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does tend to be exhausting. In these last couple weeks I’ve certainly felt a little jolted, but the incredible thing about God is that at the end of the day, as long as I turn to Him, everything seems to slow down and level out enough for me to remember that He’s in control…and that gives me the most incredible sense of peace. So, now I’m going to try to summarize some of the craziness that has been my life for the last few weeks…

Two weeks ago we had homecoming week, and each day we had a theme and dressed accordingly…and it was amazing, because I feel like I have this crazy, random, awkward, ridiculous side of me that has been repressed, and it emerges in times like this. Monday was “backwards inside-out” day, Tuesday was then “crazy hair/clashing clothes” day, and Wednesday was “black and white” day, because it needed to be something a little more normal since we were going to a concert that day. We left early in the afternoon and drove for a few hours to go see the world famous Drakensburg boy’s choir. There really is no way to describe the power, beauty, mystery, and wonder in music…you have to hear it yourself…but I can just say that I left beaming from ear to ear, filled with the incredible joy that music always tends to bring me. They sang all sorts of songs, everything from Queen’s We Will Rock You (which was hilarious with their awesome South African accents…), to Circle of Life from The Lion King, to a whole section of traditional Zulu songs…but to make a long story short, it was incredible, and I bought some CDs so I can take the incredibleness home with me!

Thursday was “twin” day, so I dressed up to match my roommate, but then later in the afternoon changed into grubby clothes to play our homecoming football game! It was SO much fun, and an awesome bonding time for everyone. I mean, my team lost, but winning isn’t everything…or at least that’s what my mom used to tell me. Then, the greatness the day continued, because later that night we had an air-band competition between chalets, which actually turned into more of a dance competition, and it was awesome! My chalet did the song “Battlefield” and we had bamboo sticks that we fought with, and we also brought out our Bibles for the part in the song where it talks about getting your “armor,” and it was basically an epic dance. Once again, we didn’t win, and all the other chalets had hilariously wonderful dances as well, but we decided that no matter what, boys are always funnier than girls, so the boys ended up winning that night.

Friday was the day of the actual homecoming dance! During the day each chalet was assigned to a color (my chalet was pink), but then later on that night we all dressed in tacky outfits for the dance…because it was a “tacky” homecoming dance…once again, ridiculous, but so much fun. We danced the night away in our awkward outfits, took crazy pictures, voted for our own king and queen (who both ended up being girls), and made fools of ourselves. And as amazing as this all was, the weekend got even better! On Saturday six of us had the opportunity to go to Durban to see an Israel Houghton and New Breed concert, which for those of you who don’t know is gospel music. Once again, there’s no way for me to describe the power of musical worship, led by people blessed by the Lord with talents that they humbly yet passionately share, and use to lead others into His presence. I know that I was blessed that night, drawn closer to God, encouraged, challenged, affirmed, excited, and uplifted by the Holy Spirit.

It’s incredible how quickly our minds can being us down. Literally, within an hour of that amazing, God-filled concert, our group was hanging out with some South African friends we had made earlier in the trip, and I started feeling attacked. It seemed like every thought that came into my head was negative, every interaction I had gave me some reason to doubt myself or question the effect of my Christian walk on those around me…and the more I thought about it, the more frustrated I would be with myself, and the downward spiral of negative thoughts would continue. I don’t even know how to explain it, and I couldn’t understand where these thoughts were coming from, but all I knew was that as we left Durban to drive home, all I wanted to do was be by myself and cry…ashamed of my own instability, weakness, and inability to hold fast to truth rather than believe lies meant to make me ineffective as a follower of Christ.

It’s funny though, how God knows exactly what we need…and it’s often very different than what we think we need. As much as I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and wrestle through them with God, what I really needed was to talk them out and be truly vulnerable. I didn’t want to do it, but when my friend asked me the simple question on the ride home, “How are you doing?” I basically broke down. Crying my eyes out and struggling to express my jumbled thoughts, I allowed myself to really be broken, and being broken is not fun. Being broken is painful and humbling. However, I’ve learned through the years, and even more through this trip, that God can only mend the broken, He can only heal the wounded, and His power can only be made perfect in our weakness. Not an easy truth to accept at times, but really the only one that lifts me up and gives me the hope, joy, and peace to face each day with Him by my side…blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.

There’s a lot more that’s been going on, but that’s the gist of last week and what God’s been doing in my heart lately…thank you to all of you for your prayers and support…I am so blessed by you! Lots of love!