I'm an avoider.

I’m an avoider. I avoid homework by procrastinating with online word games. I avoid confrontation by always seeking to please, no matter the consequences to myself. I avoid blogging so I don’t actually have to think through my life and my emotions, because I’m not quite sure what they are. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been avoiding emotions for the last couple weeks, and a part of me knows I’ll continue avoiding these emotions until absolutely necessary. The thing is, we’re leaving Pietermaritzburg tomorrow, and although we’re not necessarily leaving the country tomorrow, we’re leaving everything we know of the country, everyone we’ve come to know and love here.

Today was Thanksgiving, and it was the oddest thing because Thanksgiving isn’t a holiday here. I kept forgetting what day it was, because it didn’t feel like Thanksgiving. However, this changed later on in the day when we had our Farewell/Thanksgiving dinner. It was such a bittersweet time, full of thanks and recognition for all the incredible individuals who have poured into our lives here at African Enterprise, but also starting to understand the reality of saying goodbye. Once again, going with the whole avoider theme, I avoid saying goodbye. Rather than saying goodbye I like to say “See you later” because that way I have to come back! Two of the people we have become very close to while being here are Phillip, our amazing driver, and his wonderful son Musa. We were even blessed enough to plan and be a part of Phillip’s engagement to the woman who is now his fiancé! As I made eye contact with Phillip tonight during a Zulu worship session we had tonight, I saw the sadness in his eyes and what I had been denying for so long hit me: we’re leaving.

I am in the middle of this mess of emotions right now, recognizing the end of one chapter in my life and the start of another. I am in the process of figuring out that my time in this amazing country is not over, preparing for what the Lord has for me in Capetown, and resting in the promises that God will finish the good work He has started in me here. There have been so many other things that have happened in the last two weeks, things like writing my senior seminar paper, having a zip-lining adventure, taking final exams, having an appreciation luncheon for all the African Enterprise staff, spending more time with my fabulous D-group girls, and so much more. Sitting here trying to comprehend leaving this place that has become my home, it’s hard to really describe anything else in detail. Don’t get me wrong, I am nothing but grateful for the blessing it has been to experience this semester abroad, and I recognize what a rare opportunity this is, so none of what I’m feeling takes away from that. I guess it’s just a process…it’s change…and change is never easy.

There’s a big part of me that knows I will be back in this place, whether sooner or later, so that does give me a certain aspect of hope. Also, I recognize how gorgeous Capetown is going to be and all the adventures that lie ahead of me….some of which include bungee jumping, cave exploring, shark diving, ostrich riding, cheetah petting, and much more…so I’m definitely excited about everything that is to come! I know God will continue working in mighty ways!

Thank you all again for your continual love and support…I am so richly blessed by my wonderful friends and family! Lots of love!